What if... Video game characters had interns

Day five: Politics 101 with Rico Rodriguez 

"Why have you brought this folder with you? No folders!" said Rico, grabbin♏g the documents out of my hands and throwing them out of the helicopter.

"I... oh𒉰. I thought we might have to write some𒉰thing down."


"No writing either!"

"Okay."💙 I went to write that🍃 down, but then didn't.

"So you're currently in the process of destabilising this island, Rico?" I asked.


"That's right! I ꦆam destabilising it on behalf of the CIA for reasons that I can barely remember or understand."

"And you're doing that how? Funding🐎ꩵ underground freedom fighter cells? Supplying guns to antagonistic external factions? Blockades? Trade sanctions? Misinformation?"

"EXPLOSIONS," said R💞ico, failing to hide an obvious🥀 and sudden erection. "ONLY EXPLOSIONS."

"Explosion♓s," I s🔯aid, trying not to look. "Just.. anywhere?"

"Fuck y꧒eah,"🍃 he said, grinning widely. "All explosions. All the time. Nothing is more unstable than an explosion."

"✃Oh, so it's philosophic💟al, then? Like a Zen koan?"

"If that helps you, kid, sure. Now fire this rock🍷et launcher into that built-up area ꦺbeneath us for MAD POINTS."

I'm a writer; I mainly write about games, which is why I'm here. Sometimes I write about wizards, too, but you're probably not so interested in that.