I'm no doctor, but medical management simulati𒊎on Two Point Hospital is definitely a cure for boredom, sadness, and my dreams of 🅺having a career in the business sector. A perfect blend of intricate systems, a British sense of humor, and miniature animations of people vomiting into trash cans, this is much more than just a pretty remaster of its 1996 predecessor Theme Hospital. 

Like all the best sim games, it seems simple at first. You build a hospital, hire the staff, and sit ba🔯ck while the cash rolls in. Slowly your doctors will uncover new illnesses, so you'll need to build additional treatment rooms. Staff will want training, and breaks, and promotions, so you'll need to set aside the cash for their increasing demands. Emergencies will happen, celebrities will visit, and you'll need a marketing department to get the word out. As you conquer each hospital (you can score up to three stars on each, but one is enough to progress), you can go back to the toy town-like map to choose what to tackle next. 

The hospitals🔯 themselves get steadily more complicated, but the learning curve is just right. Before you know it, you're overseeing a huge, sprawling town of buildings, filled with different medical offices and machines. Once that feels like second nature, the game adds small complications,♏ like different climates (so radiators and air conditioning become a key part of your to do list) and big ones, like earthquakes and electric storms. Then comes the pandemics - where you have to spot the infected in the crowd and administer vaccines - the infestations of 'monobrow' bugs and, toughest of all, the challenges of running a non-profit hospital. 

Two Point Hospital has two different currencies to manage: the cold hard cash you'll spend on building, hiring and that you earn for curing people, and Kudosh, which you'll quickly become obsessed with. This is earned by completing special challenges, like impressing VIPs or treating a certain number of emergency patients in a given time limit, and allows you to unlock special items for your hospitals - a tiny Sega arcad🍰e machine, an anatomy model, fancy pop art paintings, that sort of thing. All have an effect - nothing you do or place is for show, everything matters - reducing patient boredom, or raising hospital attractiveness. The fact that my latest project has a painting of a dog on every wall is actually a sign of my strategic genius, ⛎rather than mental decline. 

Through all of this is a very British humor - think 'Dad jokes' if your old man had a short career on a sitcom set in Surrey. The illness are all fictional and funny, like Turtle Head, where patients need a plunger to pull their heads into the right position, or Jest Infection, where people are turning into clowns. There's a rotation of DJs whose gentle waffle starts off making you chuckle, before settling into a soothing sort of white noise when your mind is busy solving staffing issues. The interjecꦜtions of the hospital announcer, asking patients not to urinate anywhere in the hospital or alerting you to a fire in a bored voice, become🐼s actually useful once your hospital spans four or more buildings. 

It's easy to play the whole game zoomed right out, so you can see where queues are building and which machine is dangerously close to catching alight, but now and again it's worth zooming in to appreciate the perfect animations in your tiny🌞 world. You'll spot a surgeon pulling a rubber duck out of someone, a nude patient lunging (suffering from Emperor's Clothes illness), or a tiny Freddie Mercury wannabe chatting to a psychologist to cure h⛎is Mock Star disease. 

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