Hell On Earth
AAARRGGHHH! IT'S TERRIBLE! IT'S HELLISH! IT'S... Okay, it's just a✤ motorway. Phew. Wait... It's a motorway... in LA. AAAAARGGGGHHH!
Meet Christine
Christꦿine (Alison Lohman) will be our heroine for this slice of cinematic entertainment. She's a loan officer at a bank, see, which sounds hellish en🎃ough... She's ambitious, too, asking her boss about an assistant manager's position that has yet to be filled.
The Competition
And this is Stu (♈Reggie Lee). Despite being new, he's Christine's main competition for the✱ job. What is this, The Evil Apprentice?
The Boss Man
"Stu’s someone who’s not afraid to make the tough decisions," explains Christ▨ine's boss, manager Jim Jacks - played by eternal That Guy Off That Thing actor David Paymer.
Scary Granny
Gah! Christine's latest customer is a distur𝕴bing crone who needs help with her home loan. Yes, we rhymed that on purpose. It's TV stalwart Lorna Raver under some make-up and sporting a demonic contact lense. She's played a lot of judges.
Push In On Fate
So this woman (Mrs Ganush) is in danger of losing her home. But Christine's boss is unmoved. "We’ve already granted her two extensions," he explains, "It’s a tough decision. Your call." Here we see a little of Raimi's old ways start to creep in as we push in on Christine's angui🌜sh at making her fateful bad first choice.
Denied!
Sorry, Grandma! No house for you! Should've kept up with those paymenﷺts. "But where will I live?" she pleads. Rememberin🍬g the basement granny in Evil Dead 2, we sense this is not going to go well for anyone.
Ain't Too Proud...
Mrs Ganush becomes desperate. "Never have I begged for anything but now I humble myself for you… I beg you…" Look, lady, this is no way to get to see Terminator Salvation early. We tried that. Oh, wait... Sඣtill about the house.
Falling Down
Whoops... that may well bring on a🐻 lawsuit. OR A HORRIBLE CURSE. Except that bit c♐omes later...
Bricking It
We cut to Christine walking to her car in a darkened parking lot. She realises she's not alone and... crash! Mrs Ganush ear🍃ns herself one whopper of an ASB𓂃O by smashing a slab straight through the car window. Umm, she seems a bit strong for an old dear...
I Put A Spell On You
Curse time! After a brief struggle, Mrs Ganush tears a button from Christine's cl𒅌othes and - eww - breathes on it before muttering a weird incantation. "Soon it will be you who comes begging to me," she explains spookily. Ah, well - desperate times👍, desperate measures...
The Trouble With Magic
Christine has to find out what the grumpy gypsy granny⛦ has done to her. Cue helpful psychic Rham Jas (Dileep Ra). "Someone has cursed you. It is the lamia, the most fearedꩲ of all demons," he explains, manfully carrying the main weight of story exposition.
Brought To Book
Jas even has a helpful How To Know When You've Been Cursed With An Evil Goat-Like Demon tome. He lays out the terms of the curse. "For the first three days the spirit torments its victims. After that it will come to take you."
Final Destination
"Take me where?" quivers Christine. Disneyland!? Where'd you think, love? Didn't you notice the title of the movie? "To burn in hell for eterniꦑty," explains Jas, comfortingly.
The Young Woman Who Swallowed A Fly...
...perhaps she'll die. Screaming. One of our favourite bits of the trailer, for sheer shivery horror. No blood, no demons, no gore. Jus🐷t one fly and a pair of lips. You ꦏjust know he's going to do a fly-poo in there.
The Young Woman Who Swallowed A Fly...
...perhaps she'll die. Screaming. One of our favourite bits of the trailer, for sheer shivery horror. No blood, no demons, no gore. Just one fly and a pair of lips. You just know he's going to do a f🅠ly-poo in there.
Strange Bedfellows
Ah... Nice to see they worked out their differences and... apparently started living together!༒? Actually, no - it's a bad vision/dream for Christine. That should be Justin Long in bℱed with her.
Strange Bedfellows
Ah... Nice to see they worked out their differences an𝓀d... apparently started living together!? Actually, no - it's a bad vision/dream for Christine. That should be Justin Long in bed with her.
Peek-A-Boo
It's the goat, sucker! We ma꧟de a Chupacabra funny🦩. The first glimpse of the demon in question is more funny than frightening. Unless you're specifically scared of goats.
Arms Across The Floor
After a montage of Christine being freaked out, we se𝓰e this image of sca🐻ry shadows. "It’s coming for me!" she sobs to fiance Clay, played by... you should guess it from the earlier panel... Justin Long.
Cold Comfort
Sadly (but perhaps understandably) he doesn't seem to believe her. "Please listen to me… There is nothing coming for you." Sez you, dude. You didn't see the old lady in bed. Or the fly.🥂 Oddly, this is Long's o𝄹nly line in the trailer.
A Happy Medium
Ram Jas is a little more useful. When asked how Christine can get rid of the curse, he takes her to a medium, Shaun San Dena (Adriana Barraza), who starts a seance to draw the spirit to them. "I welcome the dead!" is the refrain. Somewhere, Hayley Joel Osment♊ shudders.
Road Trip
You can imagine their satnav instructions for this moment: "Continue north on secluded road. Go straight ahead, towards screeching old biddy." That nicಞe Mrs Ganush starts popping🧸 up in the most unusual places...
Flying Tonight
And we're into the final montage as Christine endures more torment at the hands of the demon. Here we see her flung around her house. During the flinging, Chri𒊎stine is told, "You can give the curse away!" Oooh... like an unwanted gift! Or in Night Of The Demon! Wonder if she'll get the chance.
Scream And Scream And... You Get The Idea
Another flurry of mad, horrific imagery,꧒ with Christine battling the spirit and her aged tormentor everywhere from her ho🐻me, to a seance and a grave. Plus this intriguing final image...
Raimi's back on familiar schlock-horror turf and having all the fun he 🌳can have. We can exclusively reveal that while Bruce Campell is sadly not🍬 in the movie (too busy making Burn Notice), Ted Raimi's ear is on camera during one scene and he gets a line.
