This harks back to an era when 2D platformers were frustrating affairs that caused the onset of stress-induced baldness in 12-year-olds. We’re not saying we don’t like a challenge (꧅we do), but when a limited-lives game punishes you like this one through its own poor controls and basic d🥀esign flaws, we’re apt to throw the remote at the nearest editor.

Here you play as Porthos, who must rescue his mates who’ve been banged up in the Bastille (this isn’t faithful to the novel). You’re armed with a jump button, a duck button and a remote-swish sword attack along with the analogue stick to move around. The remote-swish is particularly troubleso🍌me, as there’s only the one type of attack. It’s often unresponsive, and without a block function, you have to attack enemies in a dismal ‘swish, jump back, repeat’ patter༒n or it’s game over.

When you’re not fighting, you’re breaking crates or negotiating platformer staples such as spike pits and swinging blades. The platforming’s not great, but it’s less frustrating than the combat. All too often, though, they’re combined, creating yet more opportunities for the ol’ game over. With lengthy periods between the save points, annoyingly fr🍒equent loading pauses and death at every turn, this certainly isn’t one for all.

Sep 17, 2009