Stephenie Meyer's two babies - which is better?
The big screen adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's 'other' book hits cinemas this week, but how does it compare to the tween behemoth ܫt🅠hat is ?
Plot
The Host
The invasion of earth by a parasitic alien race is rudely interrupted🧸 when one human refuses to succumb to the 'Soul' possessing her.
As interspecies war rages, can love and the human spirit really conquer all?
Twilight
Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy eventually impregnates girl with his vampire spawn for🔴cing him to 'save her life' by turning her into one of his own during childbirth.
Boy and girl defeat the evil vampires determined to destroy their peaceful existence and live happily ever after.
Winner
General critical opinion of The Twilight Saga aside, it would seem churlish to ignore🐻 the box office success of the franchise.
Clearly, this is a story that appeals to many.
That said, the somewhat more sophisticated tone and themes of The Host give it the edge.
Plus, you know, bonus points for having no dead-eyed, CGI impregnated-by-angry-vampire-sex babies.
The Host: 1, Twilight: 0
Heroine
The Host
Saoirse Ronan has the tough job of taking on a split personality for The Host - Melanie, the strong, volatile human host; and Wanda, the ironically more gentl🉐e alien t🙈hat takes over her body.
O♛f cou♏rse, being so different, it takes the two a while to bond and find a common goal.
But the important thing is that they do so whilst simultaneously looking hot and making us like both of them.
Twilight
In portraying 🥃the perpetually conflicted Bella Swan, Kristen Stewart became the envy of tweens everywhere.
But, crucially, she also gave them hope. Hope that all average girls could bag th𝕴emselves a beautiful boyfriend who sparkles in the sunlight.
Unfortunately, the character's only discernible personality traits are incredible self-control, a penchant for danger and the ability to whine incessantly.
Winner
They might have an unfair advantage, what with there being two of them, but whichever way you judge it both willful Melanie and kind-hearted Wanda kick Bella's ass when it comes to this competition, for their sense of self worth alone.
The Host: 2, Twilight: 0
Hot Guy
Host
Max Irons (son of Jeremy, fact fans) plays Jared Howe, Mel🧸anie's lover before events♍ (and aliens) conspired to replace his missus with somebody new.
Understandably, Jared's boyish charms have since been somewhat quashed by bitterness and anger issues. He's only human, after all.
Twilight
Brooding, deadly and really, really intense, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) fits the mold of every v🍎ampire ever.
Except, of course, that he feels bad about killing people and does his best to repress the bloodlust by munching on mountain lions and avoiding people - until he meets Bella, that is, and learns to crack a smile.
Winner
Sexy, protective🅷 and kind of a douche on occasion, there's not a lot that separates this꧙ pair.
In fact, they're kind of the same p꧅erson - except that Jared doesn't sparkle in the 𝐆sunlight, and probably never heard of Debussy.
That said, we doubt Howe is going to take Edward Cullen's place on teenage walls anytime soon.
The Host: 2, Twilight: 1
Love Rival
The Host
Meet Ian O'Shea (Jake Aဣbel), resistance fighter, dreamboat, and bona fide Soul ꦰhater.
Kind and strong, Ian is everything anybody could want i♉n a man.
But when he finds himself feeling the warm and fuzzies towards Wanda it doesn't please Jared at all, for obvious reasons.
Twilight
for him than most. Of course, his habit of transforming into a giant, hairy canine and whispering cheesy sweet nothings in Quileute might put some people off.
Winner
Whilst Ian admittedly has more facets to his personality, there's no denying the s⛦heer loveability of Jacob Black.
We always wanted a dog.
The Host: 2, Twilight: 2
Villain
The Host
Kyle O'Shea (Boyd Holbrook) might be Ian's brother, but the two don't always see ey♏e-to-eye - especially when it comes to Wanda.
Stubborn, and with a fierce hatred for the beings who killed his one true love, Kyle's vendetta against the Souls has no limits - which means nothing good for our heroine.
Twilight
Flame-haired Victoria's (Rachelle Lefevre / Bryce Dallas Howard) quest for v🍨engeance after the Cullens killed her mate, ℱJames, was enacted on an epic scale in which she created a coven of newborn vampires to wipe out the family and destroy Bella in the process.
The lesson? Never cross a redhead.
Winner
Whilst Kyle is undoubtedly dangerous, he's got nothing on Twilight 's venomous vixen.
The Host: 2, Twilight: 3
Big Bad
The Host
Malevolence simply drips from every pore of The Seeker (Diane Kꦰruger) - heck, even her name is creepy.
Unlike other Souls, she is prone to human traits including irritability, anger, emotional outbursts, stubbornness - whi💛ch obviously makes h🐠er evil.
The threat she presents to the human resistance, however, isn't particularly amusing.
Twilight
While The Volturi are a collective of problematic vamps, it is undoubtedly the badly bewigged Michael Sheen's Aro who presents the biggest problem to Twilight 's heroes.
A power-hungry psychopath, he's a souless monster whose fear of losing his leadership of vampire society motivates his vendetta against the Cullens.
Winner
Sheen's wonderfully creepy performance aside, he is ultimately li🤪ttle more than a watered-down, hackneyed horror villain - albeit on💎e whose habit of sticking out his tongue makes the skin crawl like no other.
Woman-on-a-mission, The Seeker, therefore wins this round.
The Host: 3, Twilight: 3
Other Characters
The Host
Every resistance needs a leader, and in this case that duty falls to Melanie's uncle, Jeb Stryder (William Hurt), an eccentric old coot who spent years constructing an elaborate hideout in caves beneath the Arizo☂na desert in case of alien i♕nvasion.
Crazy, but sensible. Significant others in Jeb's gang include Mel's brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and requisite medicine man with a drinking problem, Doc (Scott Lawrence).
Twilight
Between the Cullen clan, the Quileute wolf pack, Bella's high school classmates, her human family and her CGI baby, Twilight has a much bigger cast of characters - maಞny more of whom we get to know properly.
Of course, there are many more books/films (some might say too many).
Winner
Having come to know and love Twilight' s extended and extremely attractive contingent over the years, how could we not choose them? Shallow? Us? Never.
The Host: 3, Twilight: 4
Superpowers
The Host
None. Nada. Not a thing. Being an advanced race the aliens have superior technology, of course, but there's not a mind reader or fire breather among them. Most disappointing.
Twilight
From the usual supernatural prowess of vampires and werewolves to additional gifts including seeing the future, elemental manipulation and several different versions of mind control, Twilight is a veritable superpowerpalooza.
Winner
There's no contest really - is there?
The Host: 3, Twilight: 5
Action
The Host
We all love to see spaceships and battles and big action s💯et pieces in ali𒁏en invasion movies.
Unfortunately, The Host does👍n’t quite deliver on this front. Instead, it focuses on feelings.
Aside from a bit of fisticuffs here and there, you’re much more likely to see quite a bit of crying and lots of angst-ridden dialogue.
Twilight
If there’s one thing Twilight had in spades, it was crying and angst-ridden dialogue. But, it alsoꦗ gave goodꦦ fight scene.
From the innovative filming techniques used to capture the vamps’ superhuman speed in Eclipse, to that controversial closing cop-out in Breaking Dawn Part II , Twilight delivered.
Winner
For the simple fact of its existence, the action in Twilight pips The Host to the post.
The Host: 3, Twilight: 6
Sexy Stuff
The Host
Being set in a dystopian future, one might have thought that Earth&r♌squo;s remaining humans would be humping left right and centre.
Concerns about th♚e continuation of their own race asi🌞de, living in an underground cave must become unbelievably boring after a while.
Meyer’s story, though, is chaste. Longing looks, meaningful smiles, meeting of skin and a bit of enthusiastic snogging is as exciting as it gets.
Twilight
Despite the questionable ‘sex is bad’ undertones in Twilight , these movies were all about sexual ten🦂sion – regardless of the nonexistent chemistry between the leads.
Lots of heavy breathing, near-meeting of lips and torturous self-denial eventually gave way to passionate love making for Bella and Edward on their wedding night – with disastrꦬous consequences that nearly killed the bride𓂃.
In the end, though, Breaking Dawn Part 2 gave us what we’d been waiting for… in tasteful soft focus, of course.
Winner
Let’s face it, having been made for an audience burgeoning on pubescence, neither of these movies were ever going to give us graphic or gratuitous rumpy pumpy. Therefore, it’s an even draw.
The Host: 4, Twilight: 7
The Uncomfortable Bit
The Host
It might extol the virtues of tolerance, forgiveness and understanding, but The Host frequently anꦆd conveniently jumps the morality shark on several occasions in order to *spoiler warning* give the characters a happy ending.
Several of them, in fact, seem to get over their issues or be forgiven for their actions far too easily.
Twilight
Where do we start? A ‘perfect’ hero who borders on possessive and controlling, a heroine who is in large part happy to be possessed and controlled, the aforementioned graphic and violent consequences of sex and – here’s the best bi🌜t – the whole thing where an adult male prone to unnecessary nudity ‘imprints’ on a child.
None of the above are good lessons for the film’s target audience, surely?
Winner
Ultimately, we’re talking about light entertainment, so far be it fro♕m us to take either of these fictional worlds too seriously.
But nevertheless, this is a serious competition dammit – so we’re refusing to reward either contender points for making us squirm and cringe. You read that right, people – nil points.
The Host: 4, Twilight: 7
Moral Lesson
The Host
Erm… dunno, really. It doesn’t matter what you look like, it&rsquꩵo;s what’s inside that counts? The aliens are coming, pack up your things and head for the nearest bunker?
Parasitic aliens have feelings, too? Nope. Not a clue.
Twilight
Sex is bad. Oh, we’ve covered that. Vampires make brilliant boyfriends? No? In that case it’s got to be that love conquers all.
Winner
To be honest, we could live without morality being shoved down our throats, so yay for The Host .
The Host: 5, Twilight: 7
Setting
The Host
Caves. Yeah. But these caves are in the Arizona desert. If promo footage is anything to go by, with cinematographer Roberto Schaefer in charge of making them look good, they’ll look darn pretty.
Twilight
Forks, Washington doesn’t exactly sound like a magical place, but over five films various chaps gave that rainy corner of the States a charm of its own.
Winner
W꧃e might jest, but Uncle Jeb’s caves serve a greater purpose than simply looking g⛄ood.
As Wanda is held captive while the humans decide what to do with h♒er, a tense situation is made even more urgent by the claustrophobic atmosphere they provide.
If The Host were any other film, we’d liken it to a psychological thriller at this point. But it’s not, so we won’t.
The Host: 6, Twilight: 7
Tween Appeal
The Host
On paper, The Host has all box office success boxes checked – it’s science fiction, the genre a la mode, with loads of soppy romance and already has a huge following as Meyer’s book sales can attest to. How could it not win?
Twilight
The worldwide box office success of The Twilight Saga is just🎃 the tip of the sparꦕkly iceberg. The series has its own conventions. Plural.
The fi🅠lms have made stars of the cast – whether deservedly or not.
Fans have gone so far as to mark themselves forever with graphic representations of R-Patz and devoted fanfic has even spawned another, far worse franchise in 50 Shades Of Grey .
Winner
Unfortunately, but inevitably, this is really no contest…
The Host: 6, Twilight: 8
The Result
Winner: Twilight
For fans of Meyer and braindead supernatural romance, this needn’t be a contest at all. And there’s even potential for The Host to sway Twi-haters – they are, after all, 💦very different stories. But when it comes to this competition, the facts are clear – the original can’t be beaten.
