We've all been there. You've loaned something to a friend and it's been just lo🔯ng enough that you're worried they've forgotten to return it, but you're also worried that asking for it back now will come across as rude. 

An Old School RuneScape player recently faced this challenge in-game over a valuable item lent to their cousin. With he꧒lp from the MMO community's brightest and calmest – who advised this player to simply "ruin" their cousin's life because this item is "more important than his dumbass child" – he tells me he's just barely avoided needing to "literally murder my cousin in front of his family at Thanksgiving," and instead forged a family heirloom which will be passed down for generations to come. 

their plight with the OSRS community. "My cousin stole my Kodai Wand," he said. "How can I ask for it back without starting family drama?" 

A Kodai Wand is a valuable weapon used for spellcasting, worth about 96 million gold at the time of writ꧋ing – peanuts to some players, but a sizable fortune to others. MIC says he  loaned his Kodai Wand to their cousin a few years ago when they understandably took a break from OSRS to focus on raising their first child. "As no one quits RuneScape forever, I made it clear I would want it back upon my return," they add, leaning into the 'no quitting, only long breaks' mentality t𝔉hat dominates the loyal OSRS community. 

MIC has since returned to OSRS, having "tricked [his] wife into letting me be the stay at home parent," and run into a problem. "During my break, my cousin 'quit' t♚he gam✅e… with my Kodai Wand still in his bank," he explains. "My cousin now has a child of his own, and wrongly believes RuneScape cannot be his priority anymore." 

This left MIC with a quandary. "I will be seeing my cousin in person for Thanksgiving, and I am trying to think of a tactful way to ask for my Kodai Wand back. We are both grown-ass adults with families. How can I successfully pull him aside and ask this man to log into his childhood point-and-click game, navigate the two-factor authenticator he hasn't ♏used in over a year, and buy membership so he can trade me my magic wand?"

The smoking wand

I realize this whole thing has been played up for laughs, but I do want ಞto point out that forgetting about a wand in a video game amids♎t the rush of parenting doesn't amount to stealing something, especially when the owner hasn't even asked for it back yet. Besides, life isn't a sitcom and this seems like one of those things that could be settled with a simple "please" over a phone call or DM. Having faced similar conundrums in OSRS when I was a middle school student, I speak from experience. Thankfully, the MMO's famously diplomatic community was immensely helpful in navigating this exchange. 

For example, the top reply to MIC'ಞs post, from GatoDiablo99, reckons he sh🐟ould simply, "Beat him the fuck up. Fuck that little punk. Get your shit back. Don’t be an adult about it. Cause havoc. Ruin his life. This is RuneScape. More important than his dumbass child."

"Finally, some level-headed advice," MIC replied.&ജnbsp;

BurlyGiraffe, meanwhile, advised playing "the long⭕ game." Why get the wand back now when you could simply befriend the cousin's kid, introduce them to OSRS once they're old enough for MMOs (a grave act of revenge in and of itself), have them earn enough gold to buy their own wand, and then ask to borrow their Kodai for a bit? 

More seriously, users like SnackLife00 suggested avo💛iding the hurdle of account membership by having the cousin sell the wand via the Grand Exchange markethouse to convert it to raw gold th♏at can be traded back to MIC. Or, you know, MIC could buy their cousin a membership bond in the first place. 

"This is the only reply you should loo𝐆k at," Rabbit730 said of the entirely reasonable response. 

Agenღt of chaos lethalweapon12-3 disagreed: "Not true, he should ruin the ev🎐ening and beat the piss out of his cousin." 

MIC's post got quite a bit of attention in the OSRS subreddit, so this back-and-forth went on for several hundred replies. Miraculously, MIC returned two days later to confirm he'd actually gotten the Kodai Wand back. A screenshot of a trade with their cousin's account, which was held at a death volcano in the hazardous PvP Wilderness (presumably just for the atmosphere), s𓆉ealed the deal. 

from

"Thanks for all 🧜the advice, Reddit," he said. GatoDiablo99's inordinately violent approach even got a special shoutout. "Your comment pushed him over the edge for a peaceful transaction," MIC said. "But rest assur🍬ed, I had been laying in bed thinking about how to ruin his life at Thanksgiving up until this point." 

I reached out to MICღ to talk through this fiasco. "The community was split on how I should ꧃handle it," he tells me. "Either literally murder my cousin in front of his family at Thanksgiving, or stop acting like a child and ask him like an adult. I definitely anticipated the conversation to be awkward, but he thought it was hilarious when I showed him the original Reddit post, so there was no need to 'ruin his life.' He was willing to log on briefly to buy a bond and trade me the wand."

Being a stay-at-home dad can be difficult, especiallꦕy since I can't lactate

One thing I absolutely had to know was why the trade w𒆙ent down in the wilderness, like MIC and their cousin were trying to avoid the watchful eyes of society. The reason was unexpectedly wholesome.

"I chose the volcano because PKing in the Wilderness is the𝔉 fo🐼undation of my relationship with my cousin and is the most nostalgic place for us. Instead of meeting him at the Grand Exchange, I had him trade me at the Wilderness volcano so the dopamine and nostalgia could seep back through his veins, in an attempt to lure him back into the game. It didn't work, but it was worth a try."

Now that MIC is back on OSRS – a "sobering" ܫexperience as a new parent since there's so "little time I can dedicaﷺte to the grind now" – he's soaking up the many substantial updates that developer Jagex has made to the MMO during their absence. 

"Nap t♏imes are critical for my XP gains," MIC says. "Being a stay-at-home dad can be difficult, especially since I can't lactate, but OSRS has been a great way to relieve ✱some of the stress on the side. I wouldn't change a thing."

I ask if he still has the Kodai Wand or if he's sold it off to fund some adventures in the new content. He says "I feel like I can't ever sell the wand after all it's been through. It's an heirloom at this point, to hand do♒wn to generations."  

The MMO's community was less, uh, kind when a Diablo 4 YouTuber had his $1,000+ OSRS hacked for 4.8 billion gold which was then restored by developer Jagex in a moment criticized for "streamer privilege."