Uni-monikered writer/director Noli's sub-Neil LaBute sex-and-infidelity drama i🔯s determinedly awful. So determinedly awful, in fact, that doomed viewers will be left thinking that the only thing worse than its lumbering, clichéd gender-war dialogue would be an interpretive dance interlude. Funnily enough, one shows up about 25 minutes in.

Vaguely London-set, with a backdrop of '80s-tastic penthouses full of blue wineglasses, Jacuzzis and very bad suits, Married/Unmarried foll🐷ows two couples in the grip of lust, writ large then underlined several times. Unfortunately, the film itself is in the grip of a surreal, dire script, larded with would-be Patrick Marberisms, misogynist caricatures (Gina Bellman's neurotic shrew, skeletal, dimwit model Kristen McMenamy) and straw men (Paolo Seganti's himbo, Ben Daniels' smirking De Sade-wannabe).

Full of self-conscious filmic tricks, dreary, sneering S&M and knicker-flashing on the Doc💮klands Light Railway, this is one to avoid.