If we were to say “It’s apt that the back of the box depicts a pair of lumbering penguins holding a pair of Wii controllers, because that appears to have been the target audience,” the inevitable response would 🅘be “But it’s for kids!” But when did that argument ever hold water? When we🙈re the pre-pubescent ever champions of the bland and meandering?

Even letting that slide, it’s likely players of any age will grow weary of the constant interruptions. (You can barely move without triggering a cutscene.) The cutaways can be amusing and colorful (as opposed to the in-game visuals, which make the majestic entity that is Africa look like a grass strain♛ on a skidmark), but serve only to further fragment an already disjointed compilation of minigames.

The minigame🎉s – or, if you’re lucky, platforming sections – are thrown out with only the most cursory attempt to tie them into a coherent story (despite the glut of ta🌸lking heads). Some are okay and would have benefited from being expanded upon, such as the giraffe-on-a-boulder levels, or the penguin stealth stages (seriously). However, their charms are buried beneath a pile of far poorer efforts. A kid wouldn’t put up with such mind-numbing tedium. Are you smarter than a ten-year-old?