How they bit it

Poor old Eli gets the back of his head sucked out by an Advisor (Half-Life’s most mysterious and dastardly alien assholes) while trying to protect his daughter Alyx.

Why they deserved to die

Because if he’d just curbed his peg-legged, pipe-wielding heroics for 34 seconds he, Alyx and Gordon would have been saved by𓆉 DOG. And, more crucially for him, the contents of his tasty brains would be nestling safely in ﷽the back of his head, rather than being digested in some fat-assed grub thingy’s stomach.

How they could have saved their skin

How they bit it

Gets so involved in a shootout as he’s hanging out of his vehicle, he fails to notice a truck appr🌸oaching in the opposite direction. Said truck promptly shut-uppas th🐼e wiseguy’s face for good.

Why they deserved to die

For not listening to his teacher in g🌠rade school. The first lesson on any well run field trip is keep all your appendages inside the vehicle at all times. Had he listened back then, he’d have known he should have been popping all🐭 his caps from the safe confines of the passenger seat. Instead, in the spirit of Mafioso self murder, he chooses to discharge his weapon while his top half hangs out the car, all the while flaunting with oncoming, incredibly conspicuous lorries.

How they could have saved their skin