Andy Stitzer
During a poker game, a group of wor♓k colleagues recount past sexual conquests.
Andy's claim that he's "forked" a lot of women doesn't really cut the mustard. His cover is well and truly blown when he describe🍨s a woman's breast as being like "a bag of sand".
The rest of the film is dedicated 🌃to his quest to Become A Man.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? Popped, on his wedding night. Proper romantic.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Stroke my chest, it's ne⛄wly waxed. Not that bit, this bit."
Carrie White
Poor old Carrie is ridiculed by her peers and bullied by her overbea꧅ring mother, a super-religious crazy woman.
When she gets a date for the prom, her mother tries to stop༺ her, telling her she'll end up on a road to sex and sin and all that codswallop.
Unfortunately f🐼or Carrie, she doesn't get that far.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? Squashed. Or rather, smothered in pig's 🌜blood. Carrie gets a bit cross...
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Let's get me out of these wet clothes."
Jim Levenstein
Jim an💝d 𒁏his four friends make a pact to lose their virginity before high school's over.
Jim's plight appears to be doomed. Especially when tryi🔴ng to b𒐪ed the exotic Nadia - he just can't keep the damned wolf from that door (a metaphor).
And ꦡthen there's the time he has sex with the pie.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? The 🔜pie doesn't count (though it definitely gets a bit squashed). Jim's cherry's popped in the end. Phew.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Please, please go to bed with me. I need to win this ♍bet."
Sidney Prescott
Sidney's the virgin who's quite happy to🔥 remain intact. Her desperation arises out of the fact that there's a psycho on the loose afte💝r her blood. Stabby stabby!
Sh🔥e's pretty desperate not to get 🐬horrifically murdered, though it appears that her purity protects her from such a fate. Another reason to Just Say No.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? Popped - but boy, does she regret it.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Sluts = guts. You'll🍸 thank me for being awkward and uptight. Let's hold handꦫs."
Gary
The Last American Virgin follows Gary and his friends' desper💎ate at🦩tempts to have sex.
Alth𒁏ough his mates are successful (in one instance, both Rick and David manage to have sex with sexy Latino Carmela), Gary's attemp𒁏ts seem to be characterised with near-misses.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? His dreams are squashed when his beloved Karen makes out with Rick. Refreshingly, the film concludes on Gary's heartache - there i🀅s no happy end🤡ing.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: (To Carmel🍒a) "Me next. Go on. You did it with them two."
Every Virgin In Town
In the sleepy Virgiജnian town of Cherry Falls (yeah, clever), a killer is on the loose. A ki𓆉ller with a very specific target.
The bloodied corpses all belong to virgins, and have the word "virgin" carved into๊ their skin. Eesh.
Wh🅺at follows is a desperate scrabble to deflower every teenager in the town. Party on!
Cherry Popped or Squashed? They 💎all congregate to lose their virginities in a mass orgy. There's a great deal of cherry-popping, though som༒e are interrupted when the killer breaks in and goes on a rampage.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Quick! Quick! Just st🍎ick🌱 it in! Let's get this over with!"
Kevin Patterson
Kevin and Perry are two spotty teenagers desperate to lose their virginities. They decide to go to Ibiza to become top DJs and br🤪eak some teacups𝄹 (another metaphor).
However, Kevin's parents decide to come along. Kind of cramps Kevin's style.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? Popped, revoltingly. We'd go into details but we just don't want ♚to.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: Any line, no matter 𓆏how suave, is likely to be thwဣarted by his balls not-quite dropping.
Edward Woodward
*Spoiler Alert!* Edward is a policeman who arrives on Su🌠mmersisl𝓀e in search of a missing schoolgirl.
The Vi🅠rgin Edward, a devout Christian, is trapped on an island full of naked women. His resolve starts to flag.
Cherry Popped or Squashed? He holds it together, though it's well♚ and truly squashed whenও he's burned alive. That's got to be a mood-killer.
Suggested Chat-Up Line: "Would you like to come for a crumpet? [ Not a metaphor. ] I've taped Countdown."
