Last Tuesday we watched Joel Schumacher's 1993 urban anger-thriller Falling Down as part of our .
Michael Douglas' stupendous turn as an unlikely urban warrior heads༒ up our rack of troubled souls who need a𝓰 lot more than a hug...
D-Fens (Michael Douglas, Falling Down, 1993)
The character: A mentally-crumbling, ex-National Security contract worker obsessed with violence, now also a reclusive divorcee living with his mum. A walking, talking time-bomb, that is.
The issue: He’s paranoid, and blame♎s the rest of the human race - an open sewer, to him - for life kicking him repeatedly in the𒊎 balls.
It’s Travis Bickle Syndrome, essentially, exacerbated by major guilt and frustration over his estrangement from young daughter Adele.
The treatment: Fairly prosaic, at this stage. He needs his sense of self-worth back andꦅ sharpiꦆsh.
So, some kind of restart course might help. Couple that with a creative outlet for his angst - flower arranging? pottery? used telephone kiosk demolition? - and he’ll be enjoying visit♋ing rights in no time.
Next: Frank Booth...
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Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet, 1986)
The character: ▨A violent psychotic sociopath with a penchant for nauseating sexual rolep෴lay and back-bedroom lobotomies.
Don’t expect an appearance on ‘Hearts Of Gold’ anytime soon.
The issue: Jesus, where to start? Clearly hates and fears women, leading to explosive jealouඣsy and extreme paranoia.
His Oedipal sex games suggest a dysfunctional relationship with his mum is to blame.
The treatment: We need to get Freudian here - get the man on a cou﷽ch and dig t🌞hrough those deep-seated mummy problems.
♎A touꦛch of psychodramatic roleplay, perhaps? Hand him an oxygen mask, whack on a wig and pretend to be his mum, chiding him for not doing his chores.
Do not, und🤡er any circ꧅umstances, try to soothe him with a little Roy Orbison.
Next: WALL-E...
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WALL-E (Ben Burtt, WALL-E, 2008)
The character: A solar-powered rubbish-compacting droid with a keen exploratory sense, a longing for company, and a heart of gold. Awwwwwwww, etc.
The issue: Chronic OCD. He's always pottering around trying to collect and hoard useless junk in ludicrously meticulous ways, getting freaked out over precisely how to categorise a spork...
The treatment: Behavioural therapy needed here, as⛦ we’re presuming a course of mood-stabilising drugs would be fairly useless on a robot.
WALL-E needs to break the cycle by working out what triggers his obsessions and anxieties (thinking he’s the only♈ functioning robot left on Earth can't help).
Then again, taking the OCD out of WALL-E would rob him of hi🌸s Mr Fussy-style charm. Out with the soldering iron, then...
Next: Rebecca Bloomwood...
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Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher, Confessions Of A Shopaholic, 2009)
The character: A compulsive commodity-buyer who moves to Manhattan to satisfy her taste for wanton acquisition, predictably ending up in a debt-riddled mess.
The issue: Apart from not being able to tell a bargain from a rip-off - as demonstrated by the green scarf leitmotif - she’s basically just a terminally shallow idiot. Sorry, textbook mania sufferer.
The treatment: A hefty smack around the chops w🔜ith the damp welly of reality, young lady.
Then, a spot of light regression to see just how spoiled you were as a brat, followed by a public chopping-up of her credit-cards and a year's work experience on the faꦺt fryer in Burger King.
Next: Darth Vader...
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Darth Vader (David Prowse, Star Wars, 1977)
The character: Bad tempered Sith Lord cyborg who can’t resist thꦉe lure 🍸of the dark side, and resents his son for not thinking the same way.
The issue: There’s obvious familial strife here, but more interestingly, Vader also seems stricken with a crippling𝓀 shyness.
That ludicrous helmet is clearly interfering with his breathing, but he’ll be damned if he’s taking it off without a fight.
The treatment: Basic confidence-boosting therapy would go down well here, along with gradually increased periods of exposure to his fears with a carefully constructed rew💫ard system.
For every five minutes he spends hel▨met-less in T🤡oys R Us, Darth gets a Curly Wurly. That sort of thing.
Next: Camerlengo Patrick McKenna (off of Angels & Demons)...
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Camerlengo Patrick McKenna (Ewan McGregor, Angels & Demons, 2009)
The character: Northern Irish-born papal court official, ex-h▨elicopter pilot and temporary boss of the Vatican.
Seems to think the secure future of Roman Catholicism rests on his shoulders alone.
The issue: Messiah complex, much?
Ge🐲t over yourself, lad - the papacy has survived some pretty rough waters since the times of Mr Christ, y’know.
So far, a chopper license hasn’t proved the clincher.
The treatment: Narcissistic person𓆉ality disorder is tricky to tr🍌eat, as it’s ingrained rather than chemical.
Still, we wouldn’t mind a bit of deep-delving hypnoth⛦erapy time with the cocky Carmelengo, if only to find out where the hell that accent really came from.
Next: Godzilla...
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Godzilla (Various, 1954-2004)
The character: Giant Jꦛapanese monster lizard and pop-culture icon. Raging, city-razing metaphor for Hiroshima/Nagasaki.
The issue: It's fair to say that there's a lot of anger here. Perhaps it comes from confused identi⛎ty (head and body of a Tyrannosaurus, dorsal plates of a S🍃tegosaurus, skin of a crocodile)...
It could also be attri꧅buted to the side effects of atomic mutation🐼 or being forced to work with Roland Emmerich.
The treatment: An extensive course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, focusing on Godzilla learning to redirect his anger away from anxiety at his hybrid body image and transforming it into a more positive force🍌♍, possibly involving the safe demolition of condemned buildings.
Note: therapist could definitely not be a gian🧸t 💧moth.
