The Ghost And The Darkness (1996)

Sounds Like: A haunted house scare-fest in the classic style, as a young governess finds herself stalked by things that go bump in the night.

Actually Is: The story of a pa🧔ir of rogue lions in 19th ceﷺntury Africa.

Traffic (2000)

Sounds Like: A mind-numbing documentary on road safety, with voiceover work courtesy of John Craven.

Actually Is: A twisty-turny tale of the drug industry. Does conta🙈in some cars, in fairness.

Cinderella Man (2005)

Sounds Like: A Rob Schneider vehicle, in which he plays an average slob who accidentally gets transformed into a fairy.

Actually Is: Russell Crowe playing a washed-up boxer on the road to redemption. Wh🅺o knew🥀?

The NeverEnding Story (1984)

Sounds Like: A refuge for those wishing to opt out of life entirely and dedicate the rest of their days to a whimsical fantasy adventure.

Actually Is: Less than two hours lo🤪ng. We want our money back!

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)

Sounds Like: The story of a young boy who is left at home in New York by his family when they head off on vacation.

Actually Is: 💧The story of a young boy on a parent-free jaunt to NYC. Come on ꦯnow, is he home alone or is he lost in New York? You can’t have it both ways.

The Aristocrats (2005)

Sounds Like: A glossy period drama starring Colin Firth and Keira Knightley and including a snarky cameo from Maggie Smith.

Actually Is: The repeated telling of an exceedingly dirty joke. Julian Fellowes ෴would not appro💝ve.

Snowtown (2011)

Sounds Like: A festive romp for all the family, set in a magical nether-land where it’s Christmas 365 days per year!

Actually Is: The horrifying account♊ of the real-life “Bodies In The Barrels” murders that rocked South 🦋Australia throughout the ‘90s. Not so family-friendly after all…

Happiness (1998)

Sounds Like: A bright and sunny romp, possibly a rom-com, possibly starring Zooey Deschanel.

Actually Is: Todd Solondz’s ultra-bleak tale of perversion and heartbreak. There had already been a film titled Misery you see…

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Sounds Like: A comedy caper about a wilful infant who suddenly finds himself in charge of a million-dollar company. Hilarious antics ensue.

Actually Is: A heartbreaking boxing drama about an under-appr♚eciated trainer and his feisty young protégé🏅;.

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Sounds Like: A gentle, feature-length nature documentary about a rare species of water-dwelling canines.

Actually Is: A blood-spattered cꦫrime flick in which a man has his ear brutally parted from h♕is head. Whatever would Attenborough make of it?