The Constant Gardener (2005)

Sounds Like: An intimate portrait of mental breakdown, as a recently widowed loner dedicates himself ever-more ferociously to his petunias.

Actually Is: A fast-p✤aced conspiracy thriller with nary a watering can in sight.

The Squid And The Whale (2005)

Sounds Like: A companion piece to the likes of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus .

Actually Is: A quirky indie comedy revolving aroundꦯ the breakdown of a marriage.

Swingers (1996)

Sounds Like: A warts-and-all documentary about the seedy underbelly of suburban life. Keys in the bowl, everybody…

Actually Is: An uber-hip brat-pack comedy starring a young Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau m𝔉aking their mark on LA’s bar scene.

Twelve Monkeys (1995)

Sounds Like: A feature-length version of the PG Tips advert, with some sort of half-baked plot thrown in to hang the tyre-swinging antics from.

Actually Is: A sci-fi romp🔯 set in a dystopian fuꦉturescape. Bruce Willis is pretty great, but he’s no monkey.

Monsters Ball (2001)

Sounds Like: The next instalment in the Monsters Inc. series, in which Mike and Sully realise they’ve been spending way to much time together and head to a soiree to find themselves some female company.

Actually Is: A steamy romantic drama in which Bill൩y-Bob Thornton and Halle Be𝓀rry engage in a series of saucy encounters.

Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Sounds Like: A high-concept comedy in which a toddler manages to blag his way onto the police force with side-splitting results.

Actually Is: The tale of an undercover cop forced to masquerade as a kindergart൲en teacher, with side-splitting results.

Trainspotting (1996)

Sounds Like: The adventures of a group of anorak-wearing spods, sipping from flasks of soup as they stoically await the arrival of the 10.32 from Ebbsfleet.

Actually Is: A h𝐆eroin-fuelled free-fo🦩r-all of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Cool Brittannia, what?

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977)

Sounds Like: The threequel in a series of steamy erotic thrillers. Very racy!

Actually Is: Beardy olඣd Steven Spielberg’s first dalliance with matters of an extra-terrestrial bent. And not a steamy scene in sight.

Naked Lunch (1991)

Sounds Like: Either a food-based porno, or a teen sex comedy in which a sacred fraternity tradition of the annual naked lunch is threatened by that pesky old Dean.

Actually Is: A head꧟-spinning💛 adaptation of the surrealist novel by William S. Burroughs. Oh.

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Sounds Like: A cutesy Pixar animation in which a mad scientist’s useless inventions come to life and embark upon a series of zany adventures.

Actually Is: “The adventures of a young man ... who couldn't resist pretty girls ... or a bit of the old🃏 ultra-violence.”