Garfield: A Tale Of Two Kitties (2006)
The Original: Garfield (2004)
The first outing for the lasagne-loving, Monday-hating moggie was not good by any stretch of the imagination. When even Bill Murray's laconic delivery can't save you, you know you're in trouble.
But kids loved it, families flocked to it and the studio saw a cash cow mooing. Or, er, is that a cash cat meowing?
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Did we mention most people over the age of 8 hated the damned thing? The CG was hideous and the bloated, stupid sequel plot about mistaken identity didn't help. Pass!
Escape From LA (1996)
The Original: Escape From New York (1981)
John Carpenter's rough, tough, rumble in the Bronx (well, Manhattan) was a perfectly pitched blend of '80s action with the director's customary satirical spin and dark humour.
Plus Kurt Russell firmly established himself as a grown-up cult movie star with swaggering antihero Snake.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: C⭕arpenter's original stood on its own as a sol💦id story - the Los Angeles-set follow-up was too late, too watered down and felt like a knock-off even though it was made by the original team.
Teen Wolf Too (1987)
The Original: Teen Wolf (1985)
One of Michael J Fox's brief run of fun, high concept comedies saw him growing a few extra hairs and suddenly becoming an ace basketball player.
It's lightweight and throwaway but also fun and watchable in a cartoony sort of way.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Because 'it gave Jason Bateman a job' is not a good excuse for making any movie. It also comes off looking like a serious exercise in cashing in on the surprise success of the first movie.
Kudos for trying to stretch the concept slightly (Bateman's Todd Howard always knew he was a wolf-in-hu✃man's clothing) but it still doesn't work.
American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002)
The Original: American Psycho (2000)
For a long time, Bret Easton Ellis' book sat on the shelf in the 'unfilmable' section, but Mary Harron brought the perfect blend of satire, Huey Lewis and hack/slash fury.
With a standout performance from Christian Bale, it's an adaptation with real teeth.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Because, like Ellis' book, Harron's film comes to a sort-of natural end that leaves you wondering how much was real and how much played out in Bateman's warped brain.
But then follꦗow up with Mila Kunis as a girl obsessed with Bateman who becomes a psꦉycho herself? Nah...
Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
The Original: The Blair Witch Project (1999)
The most successful "found footage" flick, Blair Witch 's stealthy, is-it-real-or-not horror introduced a ne⛦w generation to the possibilities of DIY lo-✱fi filmmaking.
It is - oh, yes it is - one of the greatest horror films ever made.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: When something breaks out as original and unique, it's probably best not to try and follow it.
Despite a healthy pedigree (director Joe Berlinger has made some great documentaries), this flop ditches everything that worked about the original for a generic horror romp that tries to feed off the mythology, but ends up choking.
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
The Original: Speed (1994)
Jan de Bont offers high octane, low-brainpower thrills with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves trying to stop mad bomber Dennis Hopper from blowing up a bus full of passengers.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Even Keanu Reeves - KEANU REEVES! - realised that Speed was a one-shot deal. Sadly for Sandy, s🎐he was🐟 happy to sign on to a de Bont-helmed piece of hammy, floating garbage with the distinctly unconvincing Willem Dafoe as the villain.
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
The Original: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
A burst of pure Carrey power, before his rubbery faced machinations became annoying (some argue this is where it started). It makes full use of his unique goofiness and the movie never pretends to be anything more than a crazy comedy.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: While Steve Oedekerk took over the reigns a﷽nd the studio had the good sense to strike while the iron was hot, it's a tiresome retread, shoving the Carrey schtick down your throat when once was really enough.
Open Water 2: Adrift (2006)
The Original: Open Water (2003)
Chris Kentis' original divided audiences and critics by either crafting a nifty piece of aquatic tension with a couple stranded in shark-infested waters, or winging it with an overhyped cheapie with annoying actors. We feel it's slightly overhyped, but still effective.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: German helmer Hans Horn has a crack at a follow-up story - minus the sharks.
Character Empathy 101. Nice try for just focusing on the humans, but they're even more annoyinౠg𓂃 than the originals and you end up wishing them dead.
Grease 2 (1982)
The Original: Grease (1978)
A zingy concoction of Travolta cool and infectious tunes, this movie musical has endured as a camp classic. Plus the tale of Sandy and Danny, along with their various T-Bird/Pink Lady mates works as a great little self-contained story.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Bleh… No Travolta. No Olivia Neutron Bomb. Just another tale of greasy bikers and lesser ladies - though Michelle Pfeiffer is cute in an early role.
Can anyone name more than one song from it?
Aliens Vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
The Original: Alien Vs Predator (2004)
Paul WS Anderson takes his canon-shattering stab at cross-breeding the extraterrestrial nasties, aiming to replicate what has worked out so well for comic books and video games in the past.
But his attempt is a turgid, easily mockable affair with just a few fist-pumping moments of action to keep it from the bargain bin.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: We thought once was enough, but were lured in by visual effects team Greg and Colin Strause's promise of getting back to the gore and true horror of the franchise.
Instead, they delivered something🗹 even more lifeless than Anderson and have largely ended future plans to re-pair the beasts.
Into The Blue 2: The Reef (2009)
The Original: Into The Blue (2005)
John Stockwell pumps out an utterly forgotten Alba-in-a-bikini-touting wannabe thriller that goes largely ignored at the box office despite shameless publicity grabs.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: The first film must've been made pretty cheaply - we can't imagine it took in loads of profit.
The follow-up ditched even the slight star wattage of Alba and Paul Walker and couldn't even surface🍨 at the cinema, diving straight to DVD. Good thing, because we didn't want it anyway.
Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)
The Original: The Blues Brothers (1980)
John Landis in 1980: Animal House under his belt, deep in the heart of the comedy establishment and about to wow us all with An American Werewolf In London .
The Brothers rocks with great musicians and some of the most audacious car stunts ever.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: John Landis in 1998: made The Stupids and was about to pump out Susan's Plan .
Did they offer Dan Aykroy💮d lots of money? And shame on you, John Goodman. For shame! At least John Belushi didn't have to suffer through it...
My Girl 2 (1994)
The Original: My Girl (1991)
Warm, heartfelt drama that's remembered as The One Where Macaulay Culkin's Character Carks It Thanks To Bees. My Girl boasts a great performance from Anna Chlumlsky and the aforementioned allergic Culkin, and a winning soundtrack.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: No one dies from a bee sting in this one, so nobody cares. It's still known as That One After The One Where Macaulay Culkin's Character Carks It Thanks To Bees.
Did we really need the further adventures🔯 of Chlumsky's Vada?
Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
The Original: Basic Instinct (1992)
Spirited sleaze from Paul Verhoeven as he channels Hitchcock for a sex-obsessed, nicely nasty thriller.
Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone make for some burning chemistry (and let's not forget Jeanne Tripplehorn) as the story twists and turns and ultimately leaves you craving a cigarette at the end.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Like an old partner waltzing their way back into your life with uncomfortable intimacy long after you've moved on, we really didn't need Stone's icy killer to burp back up, even if she was still pretty hot.
P💮lus David Morrissey spends most of the time looking like a toddཧler with a tantrum brewing.
S. Darko (2009)
The Original: Donnie Darko (2001)
Richard Kelly's cult hit blossomed on DVD in the States and in the cinema over here, championed by the likes of Total Film .
It's an intelligent mindbender with great work by Jake Gyllenhaal and enough fodder for a thousand what's-it-all-about? debates.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Unless Richard Kelly was going to return to his own universe, we really weren't all that interested. Chris Fisher gave it a go, but despite a nicely bendy plot, it forces itself into knots trying to be as coollyꦛ mysterious as the original. And fails...
Son Of The Mask (2005)
The Original: The Mask (1994)
Jim Carrey continues his cartoony domination of cinema with the help of some great, Chuck Jones-inspired special effects. Not an effect but still special: Cameron Diaz' debut.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: The fact that it took nine years to come to fruition should tell you something.
Plus it swaps any ღfr🎃agment of human emotion for tiresome zaniness and replaces Carrey with Jamie Kennedy. No, no, no.
Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)
The Original: Dumb & Dumber (1994)
The Farrelly brothers launch themselves on the world with this madcap Jim Carrey/Jeff Daniels comedy that glides past taste and goes straight for the tasteless-but-funny bone.
And exactly no one ever thought to themselves, 'I wonder how those two crazy guys met? If only a film could fill me in on their backstory…'
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Bad luck people, because in 2003, New Line decided to answer the question. By setting the clock back to the boys' high school days.
No one cared.
Look Who's Talking Too (1990)
The Original: Look Who's Talking (1989)
One of those '80s comedies that, if you were at the right age back then, you probably found hysterical. These days, likely not so much.
That said, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley have a fizzing chemistry and Bruce Willis puts his all into the baby voice.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: A clear studio cash-grab, chucks then-popular Roseanne Barr into the mix and figures that twice the talking baby action equals twice the entertainment. Wrong, but it still made money.
The nicest thing we can say is that it's better than dog-chat threequel Look Who's Talking Now .
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
The Original: Jurassic Park (1993)
Steven Spielberg adapts Michael Crichton's book and delivers one of his most spectacular and populist blockbusters. More holes than the local high street, but packed with iconic moments.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Oh, Spielbeard… Why? Okay, so you figure✨d you wanted to take everyone back to Jurassic Park, but couldn't you have come up with a better plot and more than one decent set piece?
We're just going to pretend it never actually happened. It'll go in the same memory hole as JP III .
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)
The Original: Legally Blonde (2001)
We're not big fans ourself, but Reese Witherspoon's big commercial success at least allowed for one or two decent gags before the character became as painful as a knife to the eardrum.
Why We Didn't Want The Sequel: Two knives! Both eardrums! No waiting! Almost exactly the same plot as the first one, with pretty much zero redeeming factor.
At least it didn't make much profit.
