Rare Exports (2010)
The Christmas Movie: Originally a short, then expanded by director Jalmari Helander, who felt that the topic warranted it, Rare Exports is a frosty delight from Finland that has a truly warped take on Christmas.
The Weird: You want warped? How about fields of slain reindeers, creepy, unkillable naked elves that look like alcoholic Santa Clauses and children snatched from their beds… And that’s only the beginning.
Christmas Spirit? Young Piiparinen just wants to have a nice Christmas with his dad – and he’s dead set on making sure that happens. Bless.
Life Of Brian (1979)
The Christmas Movie: To think, it could almost have been called Brianmas. This Monty Python spin on the origins of Christ follows Brian, born on the same day as Jesus in the stable next door, and continually mistaken for the son of God.
The Weird: We do like an oldie retold from a fresh perspective, and this one’s as odd as they come. And funny. Definitely funny.
Christmas Spirit? Brian tries his best to do right, and he makes good in the end, right? Oh, wait…
The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg (1964)
The Christmas Movie: A young girl falls in love with a mechanic, much to the disapproval of her mother, and falls pregnant with his child. When he’s drafted into the military, the young girl marries and starts a new life.
The Weird: A tale of longing and missed opportunities that’s sort of a French It’s A Wonderful Life minus the saccharine ending. Also, there’s a lot of random singing.
Christmas Spirit? Vibrant eye candy, beautiful singing and heightened emotion is what Christmas is all about.
Bad Santa (2003)
The Christmas Movie: Black as coal comedy starring a grizzled Billy Bob Thornton as Willie, a jaded ‘mall santa’ who is a really bad boy – delighting in hedonistic pastimes, buckets of booze and frivolous cash splashing.
The Weird: You’ll never look at Santa Clause the same again after seeing what Willie gets up to in his big red suit.
Christmas Spirit? Ah Willie isn’t as bad as all that, showing affection toward sad loner Kid, and nurturing him like a very messed up father.
Dont Open Till Christmas (1984)
The Christmas Movie: A murderer gets Londoners’ teeth chattering when he goes after men dressed up as Santa Clause and hacks them to death in increasingly inventive ways.
The Weird: One terrified Santa finds himself in a house of wax and a unwilling target for various sharp objects. Then there’s that very odd cameo by Caroline Munro…
Christmas Spirit? If the killer’s motive is to expose the artifice of the Coca-Cola Christmas, that’s a relatively honourable thing, at least.
Mixed Nuts (1994)
The Christmas Movie: Never has a title summed up the contents of a movie better, this Nora Ephron comedy featuring a variety of, uh colourful, individuals. Among them is Steve Martin’s Philip, who runs a helpline for those needing help and stuff.
The Weird: Liev Schreiber in drag just about covers it. That’s one tall woman. Oh, and Steve Martin’s hair isn’t white? That’s not particularly festive, now.
Christmas Spirit? Helping those less fortunate than you is very Christmassy. Shame these guys aren’t very good at it.
Go! (1999)
The Christmas Movie: Intertwining plots all take place on Christmas Eve in Los Angeles, where two soap actors help a policeman set up a drug sting, only to find the target of their sting is away on vacation. Then there’s druggy Ronna, and her friends Claire and Mannie. Basically, it’s the anti- Love Actually.
The Weird: What’s Christmas without drugs? Nothing according to these dudes.
Christmas Spirit? Everybody just wants to have a good time!
Gremlins (1984)
The Christmas Movie: Joe Dante-helmed yuletide chaos, in which young Billy gets a Mogwai for Christmas in the shape of cuddly little Gizmo. Except if Gizmo gets wet and/or eats after midnight, very bad things happen.
The Weird: Normally Christmas is overtaken by a different sort of pint-sized pest (yes, we’re talking about present-grabbing kids). Not here, instead little scaly devils ensuring everybody has a horrid holiday.
Christmas Spirit? Who doesn't ch🅷eer when old fusspot Mrs Deagle is catapulted out a window? Clearly she'd been a naughty girl.
Brazil (1985)
The Christmas Movie: Terry Gilliam gives capitalism what for with a society-lampooning look at a dystopian alt-present, in which Sam Lowry searches for the woman of his dreams (literally). At Christmas, naturally.
The Weird: What’s not weird – and horribly home-hitting – in Gilliam’s raucously inventive satire?
Christmas Spirit? Sam’s attempts to save his boss from an admin error are commendable, at least.
Black Christmas (1974)
The Christmas Movie: Slasher set around a sorority house at Christmas, where a crazed killer is hiding in the attic – and descends to claim the sorority sisters one by one.
The Weird: Nothing weirder than those venomous, screaming phone calls – which should alert the sisters that their dwindling numbers are the work of a mad man, but somehow don’t.
Christmas Spirit? Plenty of spirits making their way through boozy house mum Mrs Mac’s system, though Margot Kidder’s spirit-loving sorority sister is nipping at her ankles for funniest drunk.
Scrooged (1988)
The Christmas Movie: Frank Cross is a modern day Scrooge, as cynical and self-involved as they come. Bah humbug!
The Weird: A nutty spin on A Christmas Carol, Scrooged features one of Bill Murray’s most out-there turns, as well as a host of odd Christmas Eve happenings. TV screen for a face, anyone?
Christmas Spirit? Oh, it all works out for the best in the end, of course, as Frank has a timely change of heart.
La Bche (1999)
The Christmas Movie: Members of a miserable family prepare for another miserable Christmas, 25 years after their parents announced they were divorcing.
The Weird: Glum but uplifting. Sorrowful but hopeful. Now that’s weird.
Christmas Spirit? Jesus died to save us from our sins and all that, and the struggles of this lot to escape their own personal vices is all rather spirited.
Die Hard (1987)
The Christmas Movie: “Yippee ki-yay motherfuckers!” Bruce Willis’ vest-wearing anti-hero finds himself locked in his wife’s office block when terrorists seize the building. Cue an avalanche of big bangs and gunfire.
The Weird: More explosive than a Christmas episode of EastEnders , we can’t imagine many festive ruckuses generally involve this much firepower.
Christmas Spirit? McClane just wants to spend Christmas with his estranged wife – we think that’s rather lovely.
The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
The Christmas Movie: Stop-motion treat produced by Tim Burton and directed by Henry Selick.
The Weird: Poor old Jack Skellington gets it very wrong as he attempts to take over Santa’s present-deliverer job, leaving horrifying gifts for small children – like shrunken heads and snakes. Oh, how we laughed.
Christmas Spirit? Skellington’s heart (if he has one) is in the right place, even if he doesn’t quite grasp the meaning of Christmas – fun presents!
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
The Christmas Movie: Doctor Bill goes on a sexual odyssey when he discovers that his wife almost cheated on him. At Christmas.
The Weird: Throw a dart and see where it lands – Kubrick’s last movie is packed with odd stuff, from the masked orgy to casual invitations to adultery.
Christmas Spirit? Casual sex with strangers? No better 🎀way to spread the Christmas cheer. Or STDs.
Elves (1989)
The Christmas Movie: During an anti-Christmas pagan ritual, a teenager accidentally cuts her hand – awakening a long dormant ancient demon that looks a bit like a mean Christmas elf.
The Weird: Demon elves we can deal with, but neo-Nazi demon elves bent on resurrecting Hitler’s regime for pureblood race of, uh, human-elf hybrids ? Now that’s just ridiculously good.
Christmas Spirit? All the elves want to do is have a very elite party – nothing wrong with that.
Jack Frost (1997)
The Christmas Movie: Not the sappy Michael Keaton family film (though that, it has to be said, is pretty weird too), but a low budget horror comedy about a serial killer who comes back to life as a snowman. Terrifying.
The Weird: The serial killer comes back to life as a snowman . Not weird enough? Okay, there’s also a really horrible carrot rape moment. There we go.
Christmas Spirit? Does antifreeze count as a spirit?
The Ref (1994)
The Christmas Movie: Expletive-strewn talkie starring Kevin Spacey, Denis Leary and Judy Davis, The Ref follows a family’s plight when they’re taken hostage by a burglar on Christmas Eve.
The Weird: “The corpse has the floor!” Crazy rants and massive arguments make The Ref the gabbiest of Christmas movies – while the family the burglar shacks up with turn out to be worse than many a hardened crook.
Christmas Spirit? Said burglar realises that the only way he’s going to survive Christmas is by acting as a therapist to his kidnapees. As you do.
