The Book Of Eli (2010)
The Book: The Book Of Eli
The Writer: Anon – but it’s named afꦯter the fella who’s been carrying it around (Denzel Wa♋shington)
Our Book Club Says: Should we ever have to face the post-apoca🐼lyptic wilderness, we’d be very grateful for the nuggets of wisdom we found here.
That said, the consensus amongst the𒆙 group is that this isn’t all that dissimilar to a book we’ve all read before. Wouldn't be the first time a publisher tarted up an old best-seller with a new name.
Basic Instinct (1992)
The Book: Love Hurts
The Writer: Catherine Tr🔯ame🍬ll (Sharon Stone), writing as Catherine Woolf
Our Book Club Says: Woolf’s latest steamy saga has us gripped to the end with its꧋ twisted tale of sex and murder. Ice൩ picks? Chilling.
Where does 🦄Catherine get her ideas from? Her storylines are so convincing several of the group swear she must be some kind ofꦰ criminal genius herself.
Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
The Book: Death And Taxes
The Writer: Karen Eiffel (Emma Thompson)
Our Book Club Says: Eiffel’s latest promise❀s to be another masterclass in elegant tragedy, as a rare mistake by a fastidious t꧂ax inspector inadvertently sets up his downfall.
However, the group felt severely let down ♋by the book’s ending, which either signals a softening in Eiff൲el’s trademark attitude or suggests she’s been watching too many Hollywood comedies.
The Princess Bride (1987)
The Book: The Princess Bride
The Writer: S. Morgenstern
Our Book Club Says: What could you want from a book? Fencing, fighting, to🐬rture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles... As you wish!
In fact, the group loved it so much nobody showed up for the discussion. They🍌’re all too b𝕴usy asking their grandfathers to read it to them.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)
The Book: The Hitch Hiker’s Guide To the Galaxy
The Writer: Count🌃less contributors, but the list includes Ford Prefect (Mos D🧜ef)
Our Book Club Says: Chuck away 🦩your iPhone and your e-book reader. This compact, han♒dy guidebook is outstandingly useful - we demand Babel fish now.
The only flaw is a hint of snobbery from the authors. We're certainly none too chuffe🀅d that the Earth being dismissed with a two-word entry. ‘Mꩲostly harmless?’ Pah.
Down With Love (2003)
The Book: Down With Love
The Writer: Barbara Novak (Reneé Zellweger)
Our Book Club Says: The ladies in the group are totally bꦗehind Novak’s manifesto to replace cuddles with chocolates a♏nd keep men only for sex.
Funnily enough, the men in th𒅌e group are in comp♎lete agreement – if only so they don’t have to read any more books about love.
One thin⛄g's for sure, the lads are choosing the next꧋ book.
Donnie Darko (2001)
The Book: Philosophy of Time Travel
The Writer: Roberta Sparrow (Patience Cleveland)
Our Book Club Says: The fellas had to choose a real head-scrambler, didn't they? What's a tangent universe? Who are the Manipulate🧜d Dead? Where are we?
Cue a mass walkout from the women. Iꦉmpresse🎶d though they were that Roberta was writing streets ahead of her time, the general feeling was she'd fallen into a tangent universe herself.
National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (2007)
The Book: The Book of Secrets
The Writers: The Amer൲ican Presidents. All of ‘em. Well...maybe ✅not Dubya.
Our Book Club Says: Woah, we really shouldn’t be reading this. The truth about the Kennedy assassination,🍒 Roswell, everything – all laid out in black and white.
Who's that at the door? Uh-oh, it's the Feds. Quick - scarper! Sorry, no time even to tell you what's ꦦon Page 47.
The Neverending Story (1985)
The Book: The Neverending Story
The Writer: ⛄ Nobody’s specified – but hey, it’s 💜a magic book. Maybe it wrote itself.
Our Book Club Says: Here’s a book with a difference. Start reading, and you become a character in the story. The gr꧑oup agrees it’s a delightful gimmick.
In fact, several members have got so into it that they’re currently liv🍃ing inside the book. One of us is getting married to a💧 luckdragon they met in the margins.
Misery (1990)
The Book: Misery’s Child
The Writer: Paul Sheldon (James Caan)
Our Book Club Says: We've been waiting for the latest Misery Chastaine novel for a long time - we're Paul Sheldon♒'s biggest fans.
So imagine our disapp𒅌ointment to✨ find he's killed off Misery. Noooo!
We’re Googling Sheldon’s name so we can invite him to our next meeting. Let’s see if we can get him to change his mind – we can beꦺ very persuasive.
The Shining (1980)
The Book: Untitled manuscript
The Writer: Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson)
Our Book Club Says: We were excited to receive this rare copy of the final work of infamous madmaওn and murderer Jack Torrance.
Imagine our disappointment when it turned out to consist of one sentence over and over again. All 𓆏work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? Yes it does, Jack.
Pretty typesetting, though.
Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery (1997)
The Book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps And Me: (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby)
The Writer: Austin Powers (Mike Myers)
Our Book Club Says: Oh. Not sure what♈ this is doing here. We can assure you that this sort of thing definitely isn’t our bag, baby.
Seriously. Move on. Please .
Back To The Future (1985)
The Book: A Match Made In Space
The Writer: George McFly (Crispin Glover)
Our Book Club Says: Even those who couldn't bear to read more sci-fi after🌞 Roberta Sparrow fell for McFly’s quirky 50s-set romance.
The rest of us are simply in geek heaven! Finally, prooꦍf that even the wett🎐est blanket can man-up and get the girl - er, as long as they have help from a spaceman.
Honestly, don't get false hope that you'll pull. This isn't Frank T. J. Mackey's Seduce and Destroy . That's next week.
Wonder Boys (2000)
The Book: Wonder Boys
The Writer: Grady Tripp (Michael Douglas)
Our Book Club Says: We all loved Grady Tripp’s last novel, The Land Downstairs.
So when we found a man on eBay claiming to have found the manuscript to Tripp’s abandone♎d follow-up, we had🅷 to buy it.
However, we were disappointed to find two and a half thousand pages of incoherent rambling. Frankly, we’re not even sure if the pages are in the rightไ orꦯder.
In The Mouth Of Madness (1993)
The Book: In The Mouth Of Madness
The Writer: Sutter Cane (Jürgen Prochnow)
Our Book Club Says: Cane’s frightening novels have divided the group in the past – some love them, others🐲 suffer paranoia and memory loss – so we were unsure whether to read his latest.
In retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have. Half the group has now gone barking mad and reckons that mu🎐tated creatures are running amok. The rest of us are blaming it on an overactive imagination.
This sort of thiജng never happened before we read 🍌Roberta Sparrow.
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
The Book: Old Custer
The Writer: Eli Cash (Owen Wilson)
Our Book Club Says: There are those in the group who swoon for Eli Cash and his old-༺school cowboy charm.
Now, sadly, everyone just thinks he's a poseur after his very silly latest, which presupposes that Custer didn’t die at Little Big Horn. Trouble is, we know 🐓he did!
Been reading Philosophy of Time Travel , Eli?
The Evil Dead (1981)
The Book: The Book Of The Dead aka Naturon Demonto aka Necronomicon Ex-Mortis
The Writer: The Dark Ones
Our Book Club Says: While we’re loathe to judge a book by its cover,🤪 since this one comes written in blood and bound in human flesh, we opted for the audiobook.
Equally bad choice. Since listening t▨o it, half the gro🅠up has become possessed and are hell-bent on eating the rest of us.
If we wanted𝓡🅘 to become zombies, we'd have chosen Dan Brown.
Beetlejuice
The Book: Handbook For The Recently Deceased
The Writer: Unknown, but it’s publi൩shed by Handbook For The Recently Deceased Press
Our Book Club Says: Portentously written and badly laid-out, this really isn’t ve𝓰ry user-friendly. Can't tell if we're halfway to hea🐽ven or halfway to hell.
Besides, we’re not sure why we’ve been sent a copy of all. After all, we’re not dead...
Oh. Bugger.
