Any moment where your character isn%26rsquo;t totally miserable in a survival horror

Your reluc⛄tant cop/spac🐟e miner/enterprising schoolgirl should never at any point enjoy a single modicum of happiness during a horror game. Such a brief interlude of joy among the unremitting, wrist-slashing misery can only mean something terrible is about to happen. Most likely involving a big carving knife and your character’s crotch.

Above: Wow, cracking a smile? You’re so screwed, Sheva

You befriend/trust anyone with facial hair

If you take nothing else away from this feature, learn this: any NPC you meet wit🌠h 🤪even a hint of face fuzz will invariably betray and try to murder you horribly at some point. Remember kids, only trust clean-shaven characters. OK, at a push you can befriend someone if they’ve got a really awesome handlebar moustache. Sure, they’ll probably try to kill you. But being murdered is a small price to pay for the privilege of bathing in the presence of such a magnificent soup-strainer. God, we’re hot for Captain Price.

Above: Man, that's some straight up evil face fur

A door slams shut behind you of its own freewill

Any door, gate or fancy electronic barrier you walk through that then shuts on its own accord is doing🌜 so because it wants you out of the union. If you encounter one of these sentient sociopathic doorwaysꩲ: beware. You’re almost certainly about to find yourself trapped inside a massive, cavernous arena, where a boss character is motivating itself for your murder by imagining you mugging its mum.