Divine Retribution
As Seen In: Legion (2010)
Signs And Portents: A modern-day Biblical plagꦉue, but nothing so mundane as floods or locusts...
Nah, we get a horde of kick-ass angels, kitted out in armour ✨and wielding fearsomꦇe weapons, instead.
The End Of The World As We Know It? God has lost faith in man𒉰kind, which stacks up the odds somewhat, given he’s a deity ‘n’ all.
Thank God – or not – human-lovin’ angel Michaꦕel (Paul ﷺBettany) still cares enough to get blasphemous on our behalf.
Hyperspatial Express Route
As Seen In: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)
Signs And Portents: The demolition orders have be🤡en on display in the local planning department of Alpha Centauri for the past fifty years. Plenty of time to complain.
The End Of The World As We Know It? On a pꦅractical level...ꦓyup, 'fraid so, your time is up. Those Vogons need that intergalactic bypass.
For those with a more holis🐼tic view, ♔it’s worth pointing out that the Earth is currently being rebuilt on Magarathea. Life (The Universe, and Everything) goes on.
Rogue Computer
As Seen In: Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
Signs and portents: Naked men arriving from the future. And robot men. And molten metal men. It's like the local gay disco's sci-fi them🌸e night.
The End Of The World As We Know It? Skynet’s nuclear blitzkrieg - 🍸and the post-apocalyptic war with the Terminators - are ine♎vitable.
The only question is when. As a result of all those timey-wimey shenanigans, Judgement Day has been deferred from its original ETA of 1997 to 2004; now apparently it’s happening next year. Duck and cover.
Global Warming
As Seen In: Waterworld (1995)
Signs and portents: Permanent seasickness. Homes built out of floating debris. Kevin Cost♔ner sporting a gills 'n' mullet combo.
Our guess is that sea levels have rise🌞ꦛn, or standards have fallen. Dramatic change either way.
The End Of The World As We Know It? S🌜o you have 🌞to swim to the shops and the only thing they sell is sushi. So what?
Worse things happen at... er... sea. Oh.
Zombie Infestation
As Seen In: Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Signs And Portents: Humanity has been rebranded.
Mankind v2.0 offers a new look - outstre𒊎tched arms, shuffling walk and half-chewed brains drꦿibbling out of our mouths.
The End Of The World As We Know It? Surprisingly, no, provided you can get to the𓃲 nearest mall.
On🐓ce you’ve cleared the aisles of any loitering zombies, the fruits of capitalist society will be yours to enjoy once more.
Infertility
As Seen In: Children of Men (2006)
Signs And Portents: The Chuckle Brothers are bankrupt. Stares in Stannah stairlifts are going up. And Britain's a racist shi𒅌thole.
Thi🙈s is what happens without any new kids on the block. Which reminds us - no more boybands, eith🅰er.
The End Of The World As We Know It? It may as well be. Who's going to inven⛎t daft new subcultures for us to take t💦he piss out of?
Mutually Assured Destruction
As Seen In: Dr Strangelove (1964)
Signs And Portents: If General Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden) is to be believed, water fluoridation's a Commie pꦰlot to sap our precious bodily fluids.
Otherwise, the mushroom clouds are a dead give🌠away.
The End Of The World As We Know It? The finality of an automated Doomsd꧋ay Device can't really be argued 🥃with.
🌌Still, life for the survivors, bunkered underground in Dr Strangelove's repopulation sex-farm, can't be all bad . Provided you're a man.
Mayan Prophecy
As Seen In: 2012 (2009)
Signs And Portents: Floods, fireballs, earthquakes, iconic monuments collapsi🐎ng.
Either it’s the end of civilisation, or Roland Emmerich has a ♓𓆉new movie out.
The End Of The World As We Know It? Jeez, talk about s🐎poi♉lers. It's only two years away.
Alternatively, start saving. The world’s governments are building space aꦇrks to transport the lucky few to safety, but p🃏rices start from around $1 billion a seat.
Angry Monkey Virus
As Seen In: 28 Days Later (2002)
Signs And Portents: We could stop and tell you, but rage victims tend to be nippy little f🎃uckers, so best leg it, eh?
The End Of The World As We Know It? No more gentle countryside strolls, romantic meals 🅠in restaurants, or quiet nights slobbed out in front of the telly.
On the pl🐻us side, obesity is no longer an issue, as the only survivors are all fitn🍰ess fanatics.
Asteroid Collision
As Seen In: Armageddon (1998)
Signs And Portents: Never mind the destruction of Shanghai a𝐆nd China.
The clearest signal that something i⭕s up is that NASA h🐎as taking to recruiting a redneck oilman to save the day.
The End Of The World As We Know It? Said oilman is Bruce Willis, so probably not.
Besides, only a fool mistakes Bayhem for something meaningful.
Dysgenics
As Seen In: Idiocracy (2006)
Signs And Portents: For starters, you needed to look up the word 'dysgenics🎃.'
Ba༺sically, it means we're all getting stupider. Eventually, we'll have be tattooed with barcodes, and rely on tubes to eat and shit.
The End Of The World As We Know It? That's a trick question. If we're that stupid, we won't know anything .
Although, judging by the success of ITV's Take Me Out , it might be too late for us anyway.
Cause Unknown
As Seen In: The Road (2009)
Signs And Portents: The sun has been blotted out. Animals and plant life has expired. Hu♔manity has devolved into cannibals.
And we haven't got the foggiest notion why.
The End Of The World As We Know It? Well, at least there's a road...
OK, so it might be a highway to hell ﷽paved with human corpses, but the post-apocalypse has to start somewhere.
Show some optimism, people.
