Horror movies are chock full of characters who do stupid things.
You know the type - the squealing bimbo who'd rather exercise her lungs screaming as the psycho killer approaches than her legs running away from him.
Or the bloke who decides that the best thing to do when your group is being stalked and off by the knife-wielding nutszoid is to split up.
We decided to skewer a few of the worst offende𝓡rs, but be warned - there are some spoilers if you've never seen the films...
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The Movie: Pet Sematary (1989)
The Character: Louis Creed (Dale Midkiff)
Louis is truly one of the stupider characters in the genre, primarily because he goes against so much good advice.
When his family cat is killed on a local road, he's told of the strange powers of a local graveyard. But he's also told that nothing good can come of it.
We understand that he's wracked with grief and sees so many members of his family dead, but how many times have we seen the deceased return as happy, well-adjusted sorts who slip right back into their lives? Answer: never.
If Only They'd: Listened to his elderly neighbour Jed, who warned him about the Sematary. Oh, and not buried his cat, his child and, most importantly, his dead wife in the place.
How Do They Die? That last one (Rachel Creed, played by Denise "I gave up a role on Star Trek: The Next Generation for this?" Crosby) acts exactly like everything else he buries and comes back evil. With a knife.
Should've seen it coming, Louis.
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The Movie: The Blair Witch Project (1999)
The Character: Michael "Mike" Williams (Michael Williams)
While the movie has long been considered an indie smash classic, that doesn't spare it from boasting three of the least likeable types in horror history.
By the time we've watched Mike, Heather (Heather Donahue) and Josh (Joshua Leonard) bicker, whine and bitch about their situation for the 17th time, we're about ready for the Witch to get on with the murderlising.
And though it's tough to choose between the three, we're going with Mike for reasons that become clear.
If Only They'd: Not kicked the map into a river out of sheer frustration. Yes, in the middle of the scary forest, he really does lose their big hope for finding a route back. Way to go, idiot.
How Do They Die? He and Heather both lose their senses when they hear Josh's cries for help coming from an abandoned house in the woods. Instead of running, they dash in to "help".
The last shot is Mike, stood in a corner, seem﷽ingly about to die. We'll miss you, man. Oh, wait... no, we won't.
Next:
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The Movie: One Missed Call (2008)
The Character: Jack Andrews (Ed burns)
Frankly, the whole film was a stupid idea, one of the more watered down missed opportunities in the recent run of Japanese horror remakes.
But Burns' Detective Andrews gets special criticism because he's supposed to be a professional, carries a gun and therefore should know better than to get wrapped up in a weird situation where mobile voicemail messages are predicting peoples' untimely deaths.
Okay, so he thinks his sister's death was related to the phenomenon, but it's really no reason to listen to kooky college student Beth.
If Only They'd: Not gone with Beth to the spooky deserted hospital and - this is the really big one - stuck his eye up against the peephole of a door they're hiding behind while being tracked by the ghostly villain.
How Do They Die? A blade right through the eyeball into his brain. Or at least, we think that's what does it. Yet looking through the thing in the first place makes us wonder if 𝕴there was even a brain to kill.
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The Movie: Friday The 13th Part III
The Character: Shelly (Larry Zemer)
Poor Shelly. He's pretty much the archetype for the annoying, joke-laden, but wannabe-friendly guy who ends up as so much slaughter-bait.
Brought along by a mate on a lake cabin trip where he's promised plenty of interaction with the opposite sex, he choses to crack bad jokes and even cries wolf at one point - a truly idiotic idea in a slasher pic.
If Only They'd: Skipped the visit to the barn, where a certain Mr Jason Voorhees is lurking and slaughtering teenagers.
How Do They Die? When confronted by the masked murderer, he asks for a shave and gets a closer cut to the throat than he'd have liked. Still, he manages to stagger out and burble a plea for help to one of the others.
Who thinks he's still just j🙈oking, thanks to those earlier, make-up-fueled pranks. Dꦬolt.
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The Movie: Scream 2 (1997)
The Character: Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy)
Oh, Randy. He spends the first Scream movie being the brains of the audience, spouting horror movie lore and generally surviving because He Knows The Rules.
Don't split up, he warns us. Don't go an investigate the strange noise you heard elsewhere in the house.
It's extra sad, then, that the Scream sequel decides to turn him into an idiot, and start making the same foolish mistakes that have seen plenty of his peers offed.
If Only They'd: Kept his rules in mind when finally on the phone with the masked killer.
How Do They Die? Randy decides that the best course of action when he's contacted is to keep the Voice on the phone, then back towards a van.
A vehicle that - of course! - is the perfect hiding place for someone plott♏ing to grab him, stab him and leave him bleeding to death.
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The Movie: Wolf Creek (2005)
The Character: Liz Hunter and Kristy Earl (Cassandra Magrath and Kestie Morassi)
Wolf Creek's based on a real-life case, but writer/director Greg Mclean naturally had to embellish the story to get a whole movie out of it.
Sadly, he falls into a few narrative plot holes that leave us thinking his terrified female protagonists just didn't think out their idea when they were escaping from loony outback rapist/killer Mick Taylor after seemingly battering his head in.
True, they're mostly running on instinct, but their plan - to drive away in his truck and ditch it over the side of a cliff so he thinks they're dead is just ridiculous.
If Only They'd: Oh, say, not stopped at the cliff, driven the truck back towards civilization and gotten help. Plus they needed to make sure Mick was dead - knocked out won't do.
Which they learn when they go back to the camp.
How Do They Die? Liz is trying to start one of the cars when Mick stabs her through the seat. He then removes her fingers and slices her spinal cord so she bleeds to death paralysed.
He kill⛎s Kristy after she tries to escape in another motorists' car.
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The Movie: Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
The Character: Judy (Debora Kessler)
Jason again, this time released from his watery grave thanks to an unwitting young girl with psychic powers.
Our idiot this time around ticks several boxes in the What Not To Do If You're Going To Survive list.
Not only does she agree to have sex - without a condom, no less - with her boyfriend, but she's silly enough to think that Voorhees won't find her if she hides in her sleeping bag.
If Only They'd: Skipped any thought of nookie and not based their plan to evade Jason on an idea so stupid - if she can't see him, then he can't see her, right? Wrong-o!
How Do They Die? Jason grabs her in the sleeping bag and liberally whacks it𓄧 against a tree until she's a pulpy mess.
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The Movie: The Ruins (2008)
The Character: Eric (Shawn Ashmore)
Never mind the fact that all the characters are fairly stupid for A) agreeing to go explore in a dangerous part of the jungle where some random stranger's brother has vanished and B) visit a temple several people have told them is banned.
No, the craziness continues even when the gang discover that the relic is infested with blood-sucking intelligent flora.
Though he's trying to save his girlfriend, Eric forgets the important lesson that reads Never Mess With a Psycho Girl Infected With Killer Vines.
If Only They'd: Left well alone and let Stacy keep hacking away at herself. Plus told the rest of the gang: "you know what? Screw the spooky old temple! Let's go to the beach."
How Do They Die? Stacy stabs him right through his bulls-eye T-shirt. ꦛIrony alert!
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The Movie: Piranha (1978)
The Character: David (Roger Richman) and Barbara (Janie Squire)
There are some places where it's fun to swim - well guarded pools, the local lido, just off of California's beautiful Venice Beach, say.
But a secluded, fenced-off and clearly dodgy former military research facility? Yeah, not so much.
Piranha's campy, spoofy take on horror allows its characters indulge in all the cliches with knowing winks, but these two are still prime candidates for death.
They decided to skinny dip in the complex's darkened pool...
If Only They'd: Pitched a tent and gone about their naked frolics on safe, dry ground. Though with their luck, they'd probably have been eaten by a sasquatch.
How Do They Die? Our silly swim🐼mers are quickly gobbled by the film's titular fin-fiends, launching a domino plot that will lead to an investigation and the release of the hungry water-dwellers into the local lake.
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